BREAKING NEWS

PRESIDENT TRUMP ANNOUNCES SALE OF CALIFORNIA TO MEXICO

WASHINGTON (AP) - at 12:15 PM

Today President Trump disclosed that he has reached an agreement with Enrique
Pena Nieto, President of Mexico, which provides for the sale of substantially all of the
State of California to the country of Mexico.  President Trump noted that this deal,
which he claims "is his largest real estate deal ever,  is a win-win for everyone involved.
One of the benefits he says he will highlight during a prime time address from the oval
office later this evening, will include using the proceeds received by the US from Mexico
to:

1) pay for the Wall (fulfilling yet another campaign promise), a wall which will now
include the length of the eastern border of California 

2) fund all the infrastructure spending in the remaining 49 states

3) pay to relocate the 67 Republicans that currently reside in California.
He also noted that Federal money saved from the reduction of California citizens on US
social programs will allow those social programs to be cash positive in less than 3
years. 

Mexican President Nieto announced that he has already introduced a bill to the
Mexican Congress asking to change his country's name to MexiCal.

Other benefits President Trump intends to discuss during this evening's prime time
address include: California will now be able to act as a sanctuary state within MexiCal
noting that there is much more room for the refugees who will find the climate in the
State of California more desirable than the climate in US cities such as NYC, Detroit or
Chicago.

The elimination of the existing border between Mexico and California will allow drugs to
flow more freely between Mexico and the users in Hollywood. Drug tunnel diggers at the
Tijuana border will now be able to use their skills to dig tunnels under Los Angeles to
help ease congestion in that city and allow rioters to move about the city's universities
more freely.

The U.S. taxpayer will no longer be on the hook for any future disaster relief required
once the next megaquake hits California.

The space in the U.S. Capitol and other DC buildings vacated by representatives of
California will be fumigated and turned into "time-out rooms" for the press as well as
Liberty Centers where US citizens can meet with their congressmen to discuss the
pursuit of economic freedom.
Nancy Pelosi released a statement stating that she looks forward to making the
Mexican President's life miserable and prefers the year round weather in Mexico City to
that of DC. Her office has already announced a schedule of fund raising activities for
what is believed to be an upcoming campaign to run for President of MexiCal.

Papers released along with Trump's statement reveal that a newly incorporated real
estate company, pmurT, Inc., which was intimately involved in the deal discussions, will
receive a broker fee of $25 billion on the California sale. An anonymous pmurT, Inc.
representative has revealed that the profits on the deal are HUGE and will be used to
purchase, develop and convert all abandoned US Federal facilities in California into
special high end retreats and resorts which will assist В California residents with
managing their euphoria and transition into the nanny state they have so long
desired to be.

The exact northern border of the new MexiCal is still under negotiation. Apparently the
White House is concerned that certain members of congress may be unwilling to give
up California's wine country, and are suggesting that the northern border align with the
north end of the Golden Gate Bridge.

California residents will be issued special blue cards to cross the border into the US so
that the total number of California liberals entering the US can be tracked and at any
point in time not exceed predetermined levels. Residents that remain in California after
the effective date of the sale will not be allowed to seek refugee status in the US in the
future.

Mexican President Nieto stated he is thrilled with the deal and is looking forward to
declaring Spanish the national language for his newly acquired territory and opening
SSL (Spanish as a second language) schools throughout California.  He also noted that
funding for the transaction would come from the Mexican drug cartels, which have
agreed to provide low interest loans to Mexico so long as they are allowed to move their
cash out of Switzerland and the Cayman Islands back into Mexico tax free. He also said
he considers the fact that a Disney park will now be located within his country an added
bonus.

White House representatives refused to confirm rumors that a similar deal was in the
works for the sale of Northeastern states from NY through Maine, to Canada.

President Trump wrapped up his statement stating, "This deal is HUGE and will help
make America, albeit a little smaller, great again."